Tag: humor

I’ve just realized that neither Olga, nor I did anything to protect Maxim from aliens. Nothing. Nada. None. Some parents that I consider a good example, use tin foil all over the place.

I put tin foil in Leta’s windows when she turned four months old to keep the aliens out. Something kept waking her up every two hours and I figured it was either the ambient light or the aliens, and I knew that tin foil would take care of both. During the winter it also kept out the snow elves so I never took it down.

Thinking about why we didn’t protect Maxim from aliens, I came to the conclusion that neither Olga, nor I are paranoid enough. While there is plenty of evidence that aliens are evil, I still have my doubts.

Just maybe aliens are good. And just maybe they understand the tough job of parenting. And just maybe they use their rays on children’s brains to modify their behavioral patterns. And just maybe protecting kids from those rays might make the parenting job a bit harder.

We made the thirty second journey through the parking lot to the store without any birds entering her radar and falling thirty feet to their death. But the moment we set foot in the store her body went limp with anger and like a fresh fish just pulled out of a lake she almost slipped her way out of the stroller. I tried holding her but she turned herself upside down and I almost dropped her on her head. At one point I was holding her body sideways, her armpits in my left hand, her feet in my right hand, and she was trying so violently to free herself that I looked like I was being electrocuted.

It’s been eight and the half month of Maxim’s alien unprotected life. I don’t think that he went unnoticed in their council. So they have probably affected his brains with their rays. But nothing bad came out of it yet. So I’m willing to take my chances.