Speechless. With a lot of words.

I can’t really describe how I feel right now. But I’ll try.

Angry. Outraged. Speechless. Sad. Shocked.

(You probably shouldn’t read this post altogether, as it is more for me to release the hate, rather than for you to worry about.)

Let me just tell you why. My grandmother had a stroke about two years ago. She survived, but her condition wasn’t too good since then. High blood pressure is almost constant. Pills, pains, and more pills – that’s how she was.

A few days ago her condition got worse. Very much worse. Down to the point that it was critical.

Obviously she had to have serious medical treatment. And she had to be hospitalized. But NO! No doctor wants to take responsibility over an 71-year old woman in critical condition. None of the hospitals took her. None of the doctors wanted anything to do with her. And under no circumstances. Even my father couldn’t do much. Even money couldn’t do much. Noone simply cared enough. Even for the money.

This is the question that I keep asking myself over and over again – WHAT THE FUCK??? Yes. What the fuck is going on? What happenned to people? I mean, I am not talking about a single “bad seed in a bunch” doctor. There are at least three hospitals full of personnel in my city. None of them cared a bit! I just can’t figure how is that possible.

Since I was a kid, I remember that doctors were always referred to as kindest people on the planet. After mothers. Not only the profession itself demands a great deal of care, but the mere entrence requires taking an oath. Where are those people? Definitely not in Togliatti, Russia.

I’ve been hearing a lot about improvements in Russia during the last decade or so. It’s been about 10 years since I left it. And most people that I talked to were saying that things are getting better. I was sceptical, but they were persuasive and en masse. Now I see that I was right…

Growing number of supermarkets and shelves in them isn’t the way to judge how good things are going. (Although that’s a good enough measurement for a lot more people that it should be.) Situations like this one, with my grandmother show the reality of things much more truthfully.

And the truth is – noone gives a damn about anyone else. People to other people are nothing at all. A bad piece of statistics at best. And when people don’t care about other people, and when they don’t care about jobs they do, and when they don’t even care about bribes nomore – now that’s a really amazing base for the country. And comparing to how it used to be 10 years ago when I was living there, it’s not getting better. Nope. It’s getting worse.

The whole thing just stinks. It’s so bad that I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed that Russian blood is in my veins. I feel ashamed that I lived in that country. I feel ahamed that I speak the language. I don’t want anything to do with it anymore. If there are good things in there – I don’t care. I don’t even want to know what they are. They mean nothing to me, when situations like this happen. And, even worse, when they are considered a norm.

Anyway. I am really really pissed off. I am pissed at all the medical stuff that suggests that my grandmother should just die at home instead of spoiling their deparment reports and statistics. I am pissed that my visa paperwork is a total mess right now and that I can’t leave Cyprus at the moment. I am pissed that I cannot do anything, but feel bad and write this post.

Fortunately enough, my father was able to find one doctor “on the side” (doing commercial stuff in other areas), who agreed to help. He prescribed a course of injections for the next 10 days. My father will hire a nurse to do the injections and take care of grandma while he continues his quest for help. There are no forecasts though. 71 year old woman in critical condition.

Goddamn bastards! I never felt so much hate in my life!